Community > Birth Month
July 2024 Babies
35.8K Discussions
173K Members
Start Discussion View Members Join Group
Community Guidelines Community Glossary
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. Learn more about our guidelines
Just so you know, What to Expect may make commissions on shopping links on this page.
Bookmark Discussion Report as Inappropriate
J
Jamie-LC
Sorry in advance for the long post.
I’m a ftm, baby is almost 6 months, I just went back to work last week and I miss her so much. She’s usually the happiest baby and barely cries unless something is really bothering her but her daycare tells me that she’s really struggling to nap and is fussy and crying a lot throughout the day. She lights up with the biggest smile as soon as I come to pick her up and I feel like such a bad mom leaving her there when she’s clearly not happy. I know a lot of people do it and I was lucky to have over 5 months with her, but it just feels so unnatural to be separated from her so young and only see her for 1-2 hours a day during the week. I have a good job but it’s just work, definitely not my passion or anything, so I just want to quit and stay home with her for a year or 2. This was never the plan, I really didn’t expect to feel this way so I feel bad springing it on my husband and just expecting him to get on board. We earn roughly the same amount so me quitting would literally cut our income in half. The benefits/insurance are also better at my job so he’s nervous about us loosing that security. He’s such a supportive husband and an awesome dad but I feel like we’re just not seeing eye to eye on this. I don’t want to put pressure on him but the thoughts of staying at work is really getting me down. I know she’ll get used to daycare but I still think she’d be better off with me for the first few years.
Has anyone gone through something similar? Do others feel this way or am I just being unreasonable?
Should also caveat that we live in NYC so it’s super expensive, but he can work remote so I’d be ok to move somewhere less expensive.
Like
Reply
13 Comments
Oldest First
Report as Inappropriate
j
jldarron
I would say try to give it a bit more time! first week is so so hard but both of you should feel better. maybe try 1 month and reassess. do you also have the option to go part time? that way it's less of a financial hit/ may be more palatable to your husband? I have a good job/ and it is a passion. I was shocked when I didn't want to go back post partum, being a SAHM was never part of my plan. I went to 3 days a week and it's a great balance, I still get to spend lots of time with my babe, contribute to the family financially, and use my adult brain. you're doing great, whatever you decide will be the right move for your family.
Like
Report as Inappropriate
j
jessaham
I quit my job & my husband wasn’t really on board. Lol I had a higher salary, but he makes more because he’s hourly & works 50+ hours a week. It’s been tough, but I could not leave my baby. I had to go back to work at 6 weeks though.
It was hard on our marriage for a while but it’s better now. I do have to get a job, but I can wait until I find a remote or hybrid job that will give me more time at home.
I will always support staying home with your baby! It’s so important in these early days.
Like
Report as Inappropriate
b
babyksmommy724
I live in NYC as well, I 100% understand the financial strain. I am the only working parent, my husband made maybe a 1/4 of what I do (not putting him down, it was a good job, just didn’t yield much income, just good benefits) so he would’ve worked to pay for daycare. I never thought I’d be the type to feel any type of way, but early on I really, really struggled. I went back 5 weeks post partum, and it really was hard, but it’s actually harder now emotionally, because I didn’t have that time most moms have, and realizing that is harder. I feel like I compensate, probably over compensate, in other ways but it does just become life after a while, you adjust like you do everything else. At this point, most days I just feel proud of myself. I’m successful, my career is a passion, we live a very nice life, I accomplish a lot in my day, and my baby is thriving. I know right now it doesn’t seem like that’ll be the outcome, but it will. Tons of woman do it everyday. If you can move, then I’d say take the leap, but personally, living in NYC, on half my income, that would be no way of living for me. I enjoy motherhood more, when we are experiencing things together, and I never have to think twice about how I want to spend my day with him, and sadly lol that costs money. I do only work 3.5 days a week but my son, FOR SURE, absolutely loves his mom! AND I will tell you, we had 0 skin to skin, he was an emergency c-section, I was under anthesia, I didn’t meet him for hours, I didn’t hold him until the next day, I went back to work 5 weeks PP, and he still lights up when he sees me so don’t worry it would interfere with your relationship. And, side note: I’m a psychologist, recently, its becoming increasingly more important to be home between the ages of 12-17, when children are more impulsive, and more likely make poor decisions and be more influenced by friends than family
Like
Report as Inappropriate
A
AMAmama2020
@babyksmommy724,
similar story here except my husband works from home and gets to keep our baby girl home with him. Financially I’m the bigger earner and carry the benefits so I cannot really be a SAHM and still have the financial freedom to do the things we want. I’m not gonna lie I had some serious resentment going on when I first went back to work in October and sometimes I still do. But I’m also a better mom when I’m a working mom, if that makes sense.
Like
Report as Inappropriate
b
babyksmommy724
@AMAmama2020,
I’m a much better mom, when I’m a working mom, I do get what that means lol
Like
Report as Inappropriate
K
KST8
I'm also miserable at work. I went back January 6. I live in southern California, so it's also a pretty high cost of living (but not NYC level). My husband's head exploded when I said I want to quit. I had been saying it when I was on leave, but I guess he (and seemingly everyone else) thought I would feel differently when I was actually back. My job is a passion and not just work, but it still doesn't feel right to me. People keep saying it will get better with time, but in my head I'm like yeah sure, because the time I don't want to miss will have passed by then. I have no doubt I want to do this work when she's in school, but I don't want to miss this time with her as a baby.
Sorry that's not very uplifting, but you're not alone in your feelings.
Like
Report as Inappropriate
r
regloden
I took about 3 months when I went back after my first to see if it got better.. it didn’t for me �� I dropped to part time and now I work 2 days a week which is so much more doable for me! We are on a super tight budget, yes. But to me it’s worth it! Money is just money, it ebbs and flows, my husband and I being the ones to be with our kids all the time is more of a priority to us. Now I’m starting a new business online wfh, so am hoping to ditch my out of the house jobs by the end of the year!
Like
Report as Inappropriate
r
rnmoore
I felt the same way when I went back, she's my last baby, my son grew up over night and I want to stay home, I know it would cut out a lot for our family with me leaving, I bring in the health insurance so that's the main factor since my husband runs his own business but it's fence building and maintenance of the horse fields in Horse Country so it brings enough but not a ridiculous amount to comfortably cover the bills.
Biggest things that helped me was knowing we could work with the option of me staying at home, we set a date, May 2025. If I'm not happy I'll stay home and we will work things out however we have to to give me what I want, if we were planning on having more children then we would do it but since our daughter will be in school in 5 years and ill have that gap we have to outweigh the pros and cons, we have grown comfortable in our lifestyle and I want to travel. We wouldn't be able to do vacations with the kids. We plan on sending our son to a Montessori school which we wouldn't be able to do if I wasn't working, but we are also lucky that my sister watches the kids at our house 15 minutes away and I get to telework but if that gets taken away since I'm state/federal government worker it's hard to not want to stay home.
Hopefully you guys get to do the best for you and your family and everything works out
Like
Report as Inappropriate
s
summerbaby0822
I worked for the same employer for over 15 years . After having a baby in 2022 I did go back to work but I was miserable. A few months later I decided to stay home and I don’t regret it. I know many people that have also decided to stay at home with their babies and none regret it. I know that I also will not regret it.
Like
Report as Inappropriate
c
cm232
you are definitely not alone. I left my baby to go back to work at 7 weeks postpartum and it was so hard, and still is. I cut down to 4 days a week but I would love to work less, or not at all. I have some health issues, so keeping health insurance is super important for us (getting insurance through my work is cheaper than me and my husband both being on his). BUT, money comes and goes, but your baby will only be this age once. they grow up so fast and after 5.5 months back at work, it did not get easier. if anything, it's gotten harder. if you feel like you and your baby would be better off with you at home, even if bills are tight, DO IT. it's nearly impossible to take care of a family when you're unwell mentally, and working when you don't want to is a strain.
Like
Report as Inappropriate
e
eak22
I felt the same and I quit my job and I have work that I can do like once a weekend shift so I’m looking into that but definitely feel like at least a couple years to get me comfortable to leaving baby
Like
Report as Inappropriate
M
Mztricia
You’re not wrong mama. It’s completely unnatural for a mommy and baby to have to separate. After my first I went back part time and I struggled really bad even working 3 days a week. It does take about 2 weeks for them to adjust to daycare. So definitely try giving it a little more time and if it still doesn’t feel right, and you can afford it, then stay home. I just had my 2nd in June and I made it very clear to my husband during that pregnancy I was not going to be putting her in daycare. So once I gave birth I pulled my son out of daycare and have been home with the two of them. What a blessing. Have we sacrificed. Yes. But it’s worth it honestly. I didn’t have a single drip of PPD or PPA this time and I attribute it to being able to be with my kids and not having to separate. I wish you the best !!
Like
- 1
- 2
- 1
- 2
{{/hideMessage}} {{^hideMessage}}
{{^IsArchived}}
{{#canEdit}} {{/canEdit}} {{#showIgnore}} {{/showIgnore}} {{^IsBanned}} {{#IsAbused}}
Violation Reported
{{/IsAbused}} {{^IsAbused}} {{#canEscalate}} Escalate for Review {{/canEscalate}} {{^canEscalate}} Report as Inappropriate {{/canEscalate}} {{/IsAbused}} {{/IsBanned}} {{#canDelete}} Delete Post {{/canDelete}}
{{#IsHidden}}
{{/IsHidden}} {{/IsArchived}} {{#AuthorIgnored}}
This post is hidden because it's being reviewed by moderators, it was created by a blocked user or was hidden by the original poster.
{{/AuthorIgnored}}
{{#HiddenRepliesCount}}
{{ShowMoreText}} {{#HiddenHasAbused}}
{{/HiddenHasAbused}}
{{/HiddenRepliesCount}} {{/hideMessage}} {{/object}}
You May Also Like
WTE Must Reads
Pregnancy Week by Week Pregnancy Symptoms Best Pregnancy Tests